i’m always rambling on here about random stuff but i never write about what i’m actually doing right now in my life, which is a bit stupid seeing as i gave up writing in my diary on february fourth so now i have no idea about what i did even last week. so, to make me write more regularly and to keep a record of what i’m actually doing i’m starting life update friday, where i’m going to talk about the little things that have happened to me in the week, as opposed to writing some epic post with a moral message at the end like i normally do! let’s see how long i can keep this up for anyways ..
at the start of the easter holidays [when i was, of course, supposed to be writing my dissertation instead] i began looking at domain names, and wondering if i should buy my own. i was listening to a podcast where the host described us all as ‘citizens of the internet‘, which i thought was really cool. i wanted to be a permanent citizen of the internet. i didn’t feel like, like my diary, i’m going to give blogging up as a lost cause, that if i bought a domain name in a few months i’d get fed up and not blog anymore; i’ve been blogging since 2006, it’s part of my every-day life now. the saddest thing of all is when you’ve read someone’s blog for years and you feel like you know them, and then one day they decide to stop blogging, and now you’ll never know what happens to them in life and it’s kind of like losing a friend. i’m scared that one day everyone will shut down their blogs and i’ll never know what happens to them! so anyways i’d been thinking about it for weeks and doing research, and then today i decided to just bite the bullet and buy one .. and now longlostpenpal.com is officially mine!
now, let’s jump back to when i said that i’d researched it all. i’d done a google search and made sure that there was no other long lost penpals. long lost penpal is actually a song by this random swedish band, hello saferide, so it’s definitely not a popular name, like if i wanted to be called iloverpatz or something .. so, i’d done a google search for long lost penpal and hadn’t found anyone, and as most of my usernames for websites like twitter, 43things, vimeo, formspring, my email etc are longlostpenpal i figured there was noone else out there. so i promptly bought the domain name, did a google search for longlostpenpal to try find myself and then immediately found another longlostpenpal on blogger. great. why am i so stupid? why on earth did i search long lost penpal and not longlostpenpal? so now i’m scared to incur the wrath of this other longlostpenpal and i’m just hoping it’s ok. i’m not wanting to take over the world .. i just wanted to be an internet citizen and have a corner of the internet for my blog! :O
i went to glasgow and edinburgh last week and finally bought my dress for senior ball. we went to two of the biggest department stores in edinburgh and ransacked them, picking up any dress that i could conceivably wear. i’m the worst person to buy dresses for [not that i buy dresses often, or ever ..] because i’m really fussy, couldn’t wear a strapless dress if i tried, and am small with a long body and short legs. so eventually as a last-ditch attempt we went into john lewis, which is a department store where old ladies usually shop, and found this one. and i was so glad to find something that actually fitted and that my sister said was ok we bought it. i was all set to go all hippy and wear my hair up like this and wear flat shoes and lots of bangles, but my sister said not to be ridiculous, so now i have to wear these shoes instead [i'm still wearing my hair like that though.] and oh my gosh, this is absolutely not what i would have wanted to wear or look like and i’m going to look like a fussy middle-aged woman at a debutante ball but i suppose it will have to do. i’m still not too sure about those shoes though. [and my sister says these ones won't go either .. internet, i would die for those shoes. they are so so awesome.]
as for my grandad bob, him living at home finally got too much. the last time i saw him at home i waved to him and he waved back, and i told him that i would see him soon. now i have to look back and think that was the last time i’ll ever see him at home. now we visit him in his care home which is barely five minutes down the road from his house, and he’s become a shrunken old man sitting in a chair, his hands now too big for his body and his face swollen from the drugs. every single night since october i’ve prayed that he would live to see me get into university, and now i realise that i prayed for the wrong thing. i should’ve prayed that he lived to understand me getting into university; now he’s still here and i’m here and into university and he doesn’t understand, and it’s worse because if he wasn’t ill i would’ve made him so so proud and now i can’t. it cuts me up to see my gran by his side in that home all day every day, their devotion to each other, in sickness and in health.
2 Responses to “wear these lucky socks until they fade.”