they don’t love you like i love you.

this weekend i spent friday evening in glasgow at a rocket summer gig with my sister and two friends. when we entered the garage, where it was held; every single person was vaguely wearing the exact same thing as me, had the exact same hair as my friend, and were also there to see a band we love – but they all looked so hostile towards us! i felt like i was amongst my own people and yet was still out of place, or something.

that night we drove cross-country and pitched up at a holiday park near edinburgh at midnight, to share a caravan with the rest of my family. the next day we woke up early and all had breakfast together, then walked around the site in the sunshine and heat to the seaside and the swimming pool and to have a nose into all the caravans for sale. my gran and i danced to the music they were playing over the loudspeakers and we ate ice lollies. then, we drove into edinburgh and walked around the royal mile for a while and up to the castle. it was so, so hot. i have never been so hot here in scotland in my whole life. unbelievable. when all i wanted to do was stay the whole weekend with my family i got on the train and travelled back up to aberdeen, where with every mile it got less sunny and more hazy and my train table was swimming in red vodka and party poppers. then i worked for the rest of the weekend and was extremely lonely in my empty house with noone to speak to, apart from on sunday night when i went to my best friend’s house and learned to play poker.

ever since the hostileness of my glaswegian peers and the good times i had with my family i’ve felt torn between wondering if moving to glasgow really is the right choice or if i was stupid and rash and should have decided to stay here. in the face of thinking that my family would become down-heartened and torn apart after the death of my grandad bob they have instead become close-knit and more appreciative of the time they have together, spending more time with each other. and soon i won’t be a part of that any more. anyways, i go through phases of this thinking. but in the end i suppose that the main thing really is that i would like to have a fresh start and glasgow is the way forward. i always get these bouts of glumness in the holidays, which go away when we return to school .. apart from i’m never going to return to school so when will the glumness end?!

i finally put down the money for website hosting on monday, and after some soul-destroying international phonecalls to houston longlostpenpal.com is kind-of basically up and running. i’m currently having a nervous breakdown with css and headers and plug-ins and all kind of things. right now it seems that i either have a professional looking theme which is then harder for me to edit or a rubbishy looking one which i can change how i like because the coding is simpler. so anyways, just a heads up: after i’ve worked through this theme mine-field i’m going to try and import all this old blog content into the new one and re-direct the old address, but i’m not sure how this is going to work or even if it’s going to work so i guess it could get a bit messy.

today i had my first ever driving lesson, and it was very exciting because i actually managed to not stall the car and drive around a bit. not stalling the car is a feat in itself because when i tried to drive my mum’s car around an empty car park last week as practice i stalled it almost every single time i tried to get it going, and then when i did get it going i accidently went so fast that the car lurched forward and i braked so ferociously that tyre marks are now permanently burned into the kingswells park and ride car-park as a souvenir of my first foray into driving. let’s hope my lessons continue to go better than that ..

this summer i have a whole list of things that i want to accomplish, which i’m hoping to start off my first new exciting post on longlostpenpal.com with [you know, if i ever work through the horror that is css ..] and i’m hoping to do a lot of cooking and stuff, so hopefully i’ll be able to share that all with you.

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